Anyone who stops to listen to panhandlers has probably heard a few hard luck stories. Some might even be true. I usually give money to people I am almost sure are not telling the truth. I figure that lying all day long is hard work. If I give liars my vote, why not give penny ante deceivers a little cash as well? If a guy becomes President, I’m stuck with him for 4 years. But a panhandler is gone and forgotten in less than a minute.
Sometimes I encounter refreshing honesty, like the time I was sitting in front of the laundromat drinking a cheap,cold can of malt liquor. A lady walked up to me, swaying back and forth, with a sad expression on her face.
“Mister, could you spare a dollar, I really need… I really want… ” She paused for a moment and said “I want to have a cold beer. Just like the one you got! ”
I gave her a dollar and laughed. “Don’t let me catch you buyin food with that.”
Panhandlers sometimes carry signs. Some are pretty funny. Here are 10 of them. Each one is real, and I’ve included the links to prove it.
1. Ninjas killed my family. Need money for kung fu lessons.
2. Need cash for alcohol research.
3. Need money for beer,drugs,hookers. (Hey at least I’m not bulls***ing you.
4. Ferrari needs tuneup. Donations accepted.
5. Why lie? I need a cold beer.
6. Homeless my ass. I just want to get high.
7. I know where Bin Laden is hidden. Need $$ for plane ticket and flame thrower.
8. I’m like Obama. I want change.
9. Where’s my stimulus package?
10. Checks no longer accepted from the following people. (Returned checks pasted to sign.)
People object to panhandlers more than to liars who are better dressed . When Robert McMahon spins a tale about being a 1 armed Vietnam vet, he is held up to public ridicule, which is fair enough. Richard Blumenthal lies about being a Vietnam vet, and it looks like he is well on his way to being elected Senator from the State of Connecticut. They both make me sick. The guys who make me laugh have my vote.