A Few Funny Hanukkah Quotes and Jokes
Tonight at sundown, Hanukkah begins for many families across the globe. So before the Festival of Lights begins, here are a few funny Hanukkah quotes and jokes.
Hanukkah Quotes
“Most Texans think Hanukkah is some sort of duck call” – Richard Lewis
“When life gives you latkes, you’ve got oil-fried potatoes” – Yasha Harari
“In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it “Christmas” and went to church; the Jews called it “Hanukkah” and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say “Merry Christmas!” or “Happy Hanukkah!” or (to the atheists) “Look out for the wall!” – Dave Barry
Haukkah Jokes
The Hanukkah Sweater
My mother once gave me two sweaters for Hanukkah. The next time we visited, I made sure to wear one. As we entered her home, instead of the expected smile, she said, “What’s the matter? You didn’t like the other one?”
Denominations
A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Chanukah cards.
She says to the clerk, “May I have 50 Chanukah stamps?”
The clerk says, “What denomination?”
The woman says, “Oh my God. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Orthodox, 12 Conservative, and 32 Reform.”
Hanukkah Gifts
Stan and John are walking to school one day and Stan is describing his new Playstation 2 to John.
“Where did you get that?” John asked
“I got it last night for Hanukkah,” said Stan.
“What’s Hanukkah?” John asked.
“It’s a Jewish holiday, where we get presents every night for eight nights, to celebrate the festival of lights.”
“Wow, I wish we got that!” John exclaimed.
The next day, on the way to school, John runs up to Stan, curious to see what he got. He sees that Stan is upset, “What’s wrong? Where’s your present from last night?” asks John.
Stan holds up a ball of crumpled wrapping paper, “It was leftovers night.”
Proverbs
“Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.” – Chinese Proverb
“I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders.” – Jewish Proverb
And of course, Hanukkah just wouldn’t be the same without the Hanukkah song.
You can see more quotes here.
