Toilet Paper Orientation Debate: 10 Arguments In Favor Of Over & Under [Video]


Toilet Paper OrientationRemember, the words of a famous speech, “There is not an “Over” America and an “Under” America – there is the United States of America.” Word’s coming out on Facebook about an infamous Wikipedia article offering an in-depth analysis of a controversial, divisive issue that has rolled over the consciousness (as well as the buttocks) of America’s nearly 310 million people: Toilet Paper Orientation. The article essentially says you’re either an over or under type of person. Over came out on top, 72% to 28%,  in Cottonelle’s 2010 “Roll Poll,” but the issue is far from settled.  The topic is tearing America apart, like ripping off a sheet of Charmin (or if you don’t have a lot of money, Scott’s Tissue). It’s dividing the nation into “Over” states and “Under” states.

“What surprises some observers, including advice columnist Ann Landers, is the extent to which people hold strong opinions on such a trivial topic,”

says the Wikipedia article, which goes on to dissect the issue on the arguments and on the surrounding themes of gender, character, age, class and politics. The article even outlines the mechanical and behavioral solutions offered up by experts on the topic, from sociologists to industrial engineers.

Just proves everything people are involved with becomes a belief system or fight, all the way down to toilet paper. But for the sake of a few laughs (and world bathroom peace), here are 10 arguments in favor of both over and under. Read them, weep, and then tell us what you think. Right here, right now on, let’s settle the age-old question that has dogged humankind since the beginning of indoor plumbing.

All those in favor of Over, say “Over”!:

  1. Obsessive Compulsive. Over is more hygienic. When the paper is under, and close to the wall, the wall gets soiled, and your hand is more likely to come into contact with contamination. When the paper is over, the wall stays cleaner and you won’t pick up bacteria from others.
  2. Image And Appearance Rock The World. Over because the decorations on the toilet paper roll will be upside down if you do it under.
  3. Be Practical. Have A Safe Life. Over to see the line so you can tear straight.
  4. Today’s Science Knows Everything Under The Sun, And Is Always Right. Over, for the sake of gravity; it’s easier to role the role down than up.
  5. Over Morality. Over, because the other way is against the laws of nature. (OK, this is a really pathetic “argument,” but it seems to convince millions of people in another hot social issue.)

All those in favor of Under, say “Under”!:

  1. Good Housekeeping. Under, because younger children, cats and dogs can’t unravel it as easily.
  2. Mathematical Logic Is Better Than Silly Irrational Emotions. Under can fit certain toilet to roll ratios. If the roll is closer to the toilet it can feel more comfortable to reach underneath the roll instead of scrunching up and reaching more additional inches to it if it’s over.
  3. Morons Should Kiss Butt. Life’s A Big Fun Party. Under, because it’s a stupid argument in the first place, and it doesn’t matter whether it’s over or under, and thousands of people in the world have to wipe their hands on their butts or use dirt or leaves. Under, to goad the majority of people who prefer over.
  4. The Easy Road Is Always Better Than the Hard Road. Under is simply easier and more convenient.
  5. Miss Manners Knows Everything. Under is more discreet, proper and polite.

Not to unduly influence people in their final decision, here’s this independent writer’s own personal take on the issue, take it as you will:

“When I behold all the greatness and all the glory of toilet paper in all its magnificent, magnanimous blinding splendor that equals all the gold-paved streets of Utopia and then some; and when I think of the millions upon millions of trees that have died, the wars fought, oil drilled, millions of gallons of diesel fuel burned and millions of pounds of carbon put into the atmosphere so I can wipe my dirty butt with ease, then, and only then, can I close my weary eyes and say a silent prayer to the porcelain toilet gods for all the curses and blessings they’ve bestowed upon me and my potential posterity. I then go into a Zen-like trance that takes me to Paradise until the end of Eternity and then some, with all the rolls of toilet paper I can possibly imagine, for every man, woman and child, and then some.”

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