Remember, the words of a famous speech, “There is not an “Over” America and an “Under” America – there is the United States of America.” Word’s coming out on Facebook about an infamous Wikipedia article offering an in-depth analysis of a controversial, divisive issue that has rolled over the consciousness (as well as the buttocks) of America’s nearly 310 million people: Toilet Paper Orientation. The article essentially says you’re either an over or under type of person. Over came out on top, 72% to 28%, in Cottonelle’s 2010 “Roll Poll,” but the issue is far from settled. The topic is tearing America apart, like ripping off a sheet of Charmin (or if you don’t have a lot of money, Scott’s Tissue). It’s dividing the nation into “Over” states and “Under” states.
“What surprises some observers, including advice columnist Ann Landers, is the extent to which people hold strong opinions on such a trivial topic,”
says the Wikipedia article, which goes on to dissect the issue on the arguments and on the surrounding themes of gender, character, age, class and politics. The article even outlines the mechanical and behavioral solutions offered up by experts on the topic, from sociologists to industrial engineers.
Just proves everything people are involved with becomes a belief system or fight, all the way down to toilet paper. But for the sake of a few laughs (and world bathroom peace), here are 10 arguments in favor of both over and under. Read them, weep, and then tell us what you think. Right here, right now on Indyposted.com, let’s settle the age-old question that has dogged humankind since the beginning of indoor plumbing.
All those in favor of Over, say “Over”!:
All those in favor of Under, say “Under”!:
Not to unduly influence people in their final decision, here’s this independent writer’s own personal take on the issue, take it as you will:
“When I behold all the greatness and all the glory of toilet paper in all its magnificent, magnanimous blinding splendor that equals all the gold-paved streets of Utopia and then some; and when I think of the millions upon millions of trees that have died, the wars fought, oil drilled, millions of gallons of diesel fuel burned and millions of pounds of carbon put into the atmosphere so I can wipe my dirty butt with ease, then, and only then, can I close my weary eyes and say a silent prayer to the porcelain toilet gods for all the curses and blessings they’ve bestowed upon me and my potential posterity. I then go into a Zen-like trance that takes me to Paradise until the end of Eternity and then some, with all the rolls of toilet paper I can possibly imagine, for every man, woman and child, and then some.”